How not to speak Italian

[Ghianda]

Time to expose to the world the linguistic howlers you have made (that you know about). Go on, this could be fun - it is meant to be. I'll go first...

I once got my wires crossed and mixed up apples (mele) for beef (manzo) and explained to our builder that where I come from (the South West of England) we make a great drink called Cider from BEEF. He looked surprised.

Come on, get posting.

[Persephone]

When I first visited our village, I confidently told my local bar owner that I had a 'big meat' at home.

That old chesnut 'Carne' and 'Cane'

I even asked if he wanted to see a photo...

[Nielo]

I told my astonished neighbour that I had twenty fish on my new tree. It was only when she said ‘ that would be your aquarium tree, would it?’ that I realised my mistake.

My OH went one better and told someone he was waiting for a gnocchi replacement, when it should have been ginocchi! It caused much hilarity!

[Charles Phillips]

What you should never do is translate "I'm so excited" as sono eccitato (or even worse, sono eccitata)!

[alan h]

I once asked a [male] waiter for a spicy 'penis' [in slang] because I couldn't pronounce 'penne' correctly when asking for penne arrabiata.

My Italian friend thought it was hilarious - his English wife [language teacher] was a bit shocked.

By the noise from the kitchen - the chef was moderately amused as well

[Charles Phillips]

Rather similar to the penne, a male guest once asked if he could be excused to have a pipi (as I heard). A little surprised that he was clearly under the impression that we non Italians were not furnished with a bathroom, we shrugged and said - why not?
So he went downstairs and returned with his pipe to smoke!

[pilchard]

I remember feeling quite proud of my newly learnt Italian phrase. I said sono vegetariana, non mangia cane.
They said We dont serve dog, we keep the dog outside and there is no dog in the minestrone.

When a fresh bowl of figs were brought to the Italian family table, Pilch said loudly how he just loved figgi...uproar and laughter..the Italian men said "so do we"!!!!! Figgi means ladies bits, Ficci means figs
S

[juliancoll]

I've done almost exactly the same thing as Pilch. Shopping in Naples, I asked for a kilo of "fiche" instead of "fichi". People howled with laughter and to this day, I simply wont say the word "fig" in Italian as the memory of the embarrassment has given me such a phobia about making the same mistake again.

[Ghianda]

Originally Posted by alan h

I once asked a [male] waiter for a spicy 'penis' [in slang] because I couldn't pronounce 'penne' correctly when asking for penne arrabiata.

Stinging for days I bet

I asked the bloke behind the counter in the builders' merchants if I could borry his penis (penna) to write something on my ricevuta. Oh how we laughed

[Persephone]

I have been known to ride a cabbage and eat horse soup.

'cavolo' and 'cavallo' respectively.